Lisa’s Trials

She was back to square one. It had happened again. Sitting on the edge of her bed and gazing at her reflection in the dressing mirror in disbelief and disgust. The feeling of regret penetrated through every inch of her bones and she felt like a stranger in her own body. ‘God, I have brought humiliation upon your name, I am sorry’ she whispered under her breath hoping that her repentance would rise through the roof to the heavens.

Despite the long hours of sulking , she was determined to get up and try again. To stick to the promise she had made to God, herself, and impliedly, her staunch catholic family. To avoid indulging the desires of the flesh with any man before tying the note. Lisa now set out to keep her distance from Jaime, the one source of temptation that she reckoned would throw her off course.

Owning Up

I came across a short message in which the author said that once someone reveals to you that you hurt them, it is not up to you to decide whether what you did was hurtful or not. This truly resonated with me on a deep level. Many a time I have made the mistake of qualifying people’s feelings of hurt over something I did. And, for the greater part, the outcome has always been that my actions could not possibly have caused such hurt.

Recently, I discovered that it’s not just me who struggles with that. Lots of people tend to let their defensive side take over and end up invalidating the feelings of hurt in others over hurtful things said, done or implied. ‘Nuh, you are just too emotional or that’s not even what I meant, and other times, you are getting worked up over nothing’ are some of our impulsive responses to being called out for being unnecessarily hurtful. We deflect responsibility for causing an emotional bruise onto the victim.

The other aspect of refusing to own our mistakes is the ‘I am sorry, but…’ kind of apology. This one is mostly dished out in accompaniment with one of the quoted responses above. It is an unequivocal apology and what follows the ‘but’ is meant to explicate oneself entirely or in part.

I made a friend this year who has inspired me to take full responsibility for my actions and their resultant effects. This trait is something I never thought I’d ever admire. My old self looked at people who gave unequivocal apologies as weak. I am glad say that I no longer have such a myopic mindset. Next in line to the strength that lies in the ability to hold one’s peace when provoked is the strength to take responsibility for one’s actions whether they were intended, accidental or were simply misinterpreted if such misinterpretation was reasonably foreseeable.

As is well known, evolution is an inevitable part of life. I am fighting to evolve into an adult who has the courage to own my mistakes. I hope for a beautiful journey for myself and others fighting to be better in this respect.

A tale of pain

I sat in the room whose roof had been scorched by the blazing sun for a good twelve hours. In the heat it filled the air in it with, I sat wondering whether unlike everyone else, I was impossible to understand. I sat wondering whether for all the times I tried, I never truly earned the privilege of having a shoulder extended to me when I needed it. I sat wondering whether my expectations out of personal bonds were unrealistically high. I sat wondering whether a day would come and someone would walk up to me and explain to me what exactly is not right with me. I sat wondering about things I am scared to write or say.

The day had been very weary. I had dealt with the pain as best I could. I had seen much more challenging days. I had thought they adequately prepared me for all the pain to come. The day had ended, leaving me with the rude realisation that all kinds pain sting in a manner only peculiar to their triggers.

I expected no answers for the things I wondered about. And I got none.

Emotional entanglements; to aye or to nay.

If you are familiar with the catastrophe that has wrecked havoc in the house of the Smiths, the word entanglement rings a bell. Amidst all the humour that social media has deliberately made out of the Will and Jada Smith conundrum, I couldn’t help but take a moment to put on the shoes of the lady who found herself entangled with a man who wasn’t her husband. Upon doing so, I figured that with all factors kept constant, getting oneself in such a situation is always a choice. When temptation is thrown in our path, there’s no label on it that it is mandatory to bend to it’s winds. It is always up to us to aye or nay.

For those that might still not know what I’m talking about here, an entanglement is a newly invented term used to refer to a complicated and compromising relationship between two people. Complicated in a way that it is out of ordinary relationships, that is, out of the realm of one woman to one man (applicable to monogamous situations). Compromising in a sense that once it comes to public knowledge that one is entangled, it tears their reputation and integrity to pieces.

The inception of this term caused an uproar on the socials in my home country. My country men and women leaped up in ecstasy to start branding their relationships and situationships as entanglements. Others declared their pursuit for fresh entanglements. Initially, this came off as rib tickling but after it settling in for a while, it became grotesque and preposterous.

Respective of the founded ease with which one could land in to one of these new “ships”, the point earlier suggested stands through and through. To be or not to be caught up in these zones is a choice. It is very common that an individual faced with the decision to step in to the world of these impermissible states of being will unconsciously jump in to them and only look into their decisions later. It is also common that another set individuals get into entanglements and all other ships because it is their style.

Before you get into that complicated situation, take a step back and ask yourself if you are truly cut out for that kind of life. Entanglements are not and cannot be everyone’s thing but with constant application, it can become a way of life. Those that choose to go down that road back it up with appealing arguments. There’s no emotional investment required so you can have a good time and wake up tomorrow like nothing happened at all. The convenience that comes with it is out of this world; no one gets to tie you down. These and many more are true. Two for two for entanglements,right?

Before you jump on to that bus, do you have what it takes to keep it fueled? Can you lock up your emotions somewhere no one can reach them so that they don’t taunt you as you have your fun? Is your conscious ready to bear the guilt of sabotaging someone’s relationship? Do your standards conform to causing a tumultuous conflict within your self? Can you afford to betray the trust of the person you love just to explore if the grass on the other side is any greener? All these and many more should be answered before you get into it.

Call me antiquated but this trend of normalising anomalous emotional attachments befits the original purpose of the dating institution. Entanglements, situationships, bestie-ships all sound exciting but are enormously costly for the pocket of a genuinely classic romantic.

Indolent minds; not the devil’s workshop.

Intro***

Growing up, I often heard my sister use the saying,“there is a first time for everything,” every time I put up excuses to avoid change. Sitting here, writing my first blog strikes a realisation that the argument that elder siblings are of great significance in the grooming of a child is well founded and deservingly credible. If someone had earlier told me that on a certain date, I’d go out of my way and get serious about doing something I fondly admire, I’d have laughed the thought of it out of my mind. Yet, here I set out to sermon my muse, churn these rusty wheels of a brain and give myself and everyone concerned something to remember😂.

Conception of the idea***

The previous evening took a swift dramatic turn minutes before I put my head down for a rest.. I read a certain blog post from the ‘twenty something and black’ page that sparked rigorous introspection in me and hours later got me making drastic decisions.. Indecision is just but a tip of the iceberg when it comes to things ‘teenagers turned adults’ go through(it’s only been a few months into adulthood but I’m as overwhelmed as a seventy year old).. Not to drift off course, reading the said blog gave me a certain kind of clarity I had been pursuing in the light of a tricky conundrum..

Having figured out a real life situation after reading a single particular post, I came to appreciate the ability of an individual’s positive effort in altering the world and influencing the people around them for the better. I went to bed clear headed and unsurprisingly, I woke up to a brand new wave of energy to start my own blog spot😂(you will forgive my compulsive use of the laughing face emoji, the constant need to create a light mood is deep rooted in me)

The grand execution***

The moment I conceived the idea, I enthusiastically reached for my phone from under the pillow, googled up the basics and created my own spot. Now, this is a thing way out of the ordinary, given my firmly embedded hesitation to try out new things and the perpetual inclination to procrastinate 🤦🏾.. For this, I believe this has always been an inaudible call for me and only materialised when the timing became more than perfect..

The confirmation email from wordpress gave me butterflies in the stomach and the beaming excitement inside me got rounded off to a sheepish smug. I reserved the evening for a date with my soon to be family of readers🥰… Et voila!

Denouement and sequel ***

As a newbie to writing, my most desired entreaty is not to bore anyone with overused arguments and expressions.. Consequently, this spot is going to be one of the most authentic. Your girl is going to grind her sweet b** off to deliver to your satisfaction.. As events unfold, we shall delve into any topic and every issue leaving no stone unturned, all for fun’s, enlightenment’s and anything worthwhile’s sake..

Que les jeux commencent!

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